What's Your Story

This is a place where you can share your story, comment on other stories, or just relate and remember that you’re not alone.

October 2nd, 2011 2 comments
I'm amazed at how every single person on here has a story of their own. Some cut, some drug abuse and some have suicidal thoughts. I want everyone to be aware of the fact that you are not alone in this world and never will be. Your life might not be the best of all, but there are plenty of shoulders to cry on, and plenty of people to talk to on here :). I was fat and bullied for it in school. I had suicidal thoughts constantly when I was younger. I've been to millions of psychologists. Ending my high school years, I grew, became skinny and no one ever mentioned my weight again. What life doesn't give you in some aspects, it compensates in others. I just want everyone to know, as stated above, that you are not alone!! Always look up! It can only get better.
September 30th, 2011 2 comments
Umm..hi..I'm new on here and I am 15. When I got a boyfriend everything changed for me.:( My techers are treating me different I guess they think that I am a bad girl now. My parents dont know about us two dating and I'm strongly trying to hold on to my virginity. I mean like one part of me is saying no the other part of me is saying yes. I can't talk to my mom about stuff like this because she totally gets upset. I don't know what to do anymore. I mean I do feel bad about the teachers and their thoughts about us. But I need advice. Sorry if I messed up on the writing.
September 23rd, 2011 3 comments
I'm sixteen and my life is in shambles. I live in an alleyway with my daughter and brother, my mother died from cocaine overdose and my father is gone. I refuse to go into foster care because they would seperate me from my kids (I consider my little brother my second kid). I rarely eat so that my kids can. I was raped at 13 and got pregnant with my wonderful baby girl Rose Mary Murphy. My 11 year old brother doesnt do any after school things in favor of walking dogs and such to get money. I make money by begging and working odd jobs whenever I can. No one at my school knows, they think that I live in a poor income area with my parents and two younger siblings. Thank you for listening.
Moving on..
September 22nd, 2011 4 comments
I'm 14 years old. A couple years ago, i had a boyfriend.. we were together for quite a while and i really honestly thought i was completely in love with him. We started arguing a lot, so i ended and dropped everything we had together. I've had a few boyfriends since then, but none of my relationships with them ever worked out. I'm now in a relationship with a boy at my school. He's a senior, and i'm a freshman. He treats me better than any of my boyfriends EVER have. He tries his absolute hardest to keep me happy, and reminds me everyday how much i mean to him. Ive never known what it felt like to be cared about, until now. But there is one problem. I'm so scared that everything will change as soon as he goes off to college.. and sometimes i think i may have made a mistake dating a senior, when im only a freshman. And on top of that, my ex that i was in love with, wants nothing more than to have my back. Im not going to lie, i miss my ex a lot. But that would be really shitty of me to up and leave my current boyfriend who does nothing but try to make me happy. But everyone always says "if someone doesn't leave your mind, or heart, they're clearly meant to be there." I think about my ex a lot. To be honest, i do still love him with all of my heart.. and i miss him a lot. I just have no idea what to do.. He always tells me he will wait for me.. until the day he can get me back.. Hes been single for 2 years.. waiting on me. I have no idea what to do:( and i need help!!! any advice?
i need to save me
September 22nd, 2011 2 comments
hi there... im 13 in the eighth grade. i have many reasons for what i do..and im not proud of it. i cut. i started cutting in the summer that i was 11. i cut because of parents and friends. it sounds rather weird since parents are supposed to be supportive and friends are supposed to be promising. but one of my best friends is ... simple minded. she feels that if something goes on with me she has to feel responcible and give me the "silent" treatment. she constantly whines and complains about me cutting. she starts arguements that i never win that just tear me apart... she thinx she understands why i cut..but she doesnt. shes not me and she is in a way.. spoiled. she also picks on me frequently about being emo... in public. she does it to a point were some of the people who attend my school with me think i hate life. sometimes i do. i consider suicide.. but luckily i would never have the guts to commit it. and then there is the other main reason why i cut. my parents. they were supposed to be divorced before i was even an idea in there minds. they fight too much to a point where one will leave for hours or even a few days. they didnt get a divorce because they didnt want to hurt my eldest brother, who was 7, who knew what was going on. since then, they have gotten worse...they fighgt over the stupidest reasons possible and im always the one to stop the fights. ill describe one of the fights so you will get the jist of things a little more. It was during dinner one night. everyone was calm, happy. then my little brother started acting up (he has ADHD...) and my dad got so annoyed that he totaly exploded on my lil brother. and , of course, since he's my mom's favorite, she yelled at my dad...im not gonna go into details with that bcuz it was all really upsetting but i will tell u this... i, like every single time, had to stop the fight from getting worse because my dad threw a fork at my mom that just nearly missed her throat/face area. instead it hit the wall and was stuck there. im ending it there. now about me, i really dont want to cut, but its addicting, like an alcoholic is addicted to beer and liquor. its terrible... i do it to relieve stress when i am really angry or sad or confused. there are scars and cuts all over my left arm. all really deep. i hate, hate, HATE how i cut... i just want to be saved by me..or someone who loves me...i honestly dont know wnat to do anymore. i realize that by cutting, i am really only hurting my friends and even myself. it doesn't help when you cut even though you think it does. in some way..it just takes your mind of the problem. all i want in life right now.... is to be saved.
The Punk That Always Never Will Be
September 22nd, 2011 1 comment
Wow. I have a lot to say on here...
In 5th grade, the 'emo' explosion happened. Suicide was popular and dying and hiding your face were just some of the fun parts. I always looked at these people who claimed to be 'emo' like they had a mental illness. Why label yourself? Of course, I was always into punk music; I sometimes consider myself a punk just to save air in arguments. But I was interested in the whole suicide rate and it's climb. I began to do extensive research on suicide and self-harm, doing drugs, abuse, violence, and connections to the music industry. As a ten year old, I was well-educated in topics that our teachers refused to talk about. So then I entered sixth grade with a clear mind and dirty hair.
I had found grunge music. Although I was still into punk, I listened to more Nirvana and Hole. I was still reading more and more about suicides and had learned of the Hannah Bond suicide. My Chemical Romance danced into my life for the second time (I had grown up on their first album).
The winter break of 6th grade, after finishing off the Twilight series, I went over to my friend's house. She was not home. Instead, her sixteen year old brother was there. He let me in since there was about two feet of snow outside. We played a video game and watched a movie. I had called my parents to say that I would be sleeping over there because my friend was supposed to be back soon. Instead of her coming home, her brother restrained me and threatened me with a knife while he raped me multiple times. When I returned home, I pretended as if all were normal and refused to eat anything but the candy I had received on Christmas. My paranoia and the rape had left me highly disturbed. I couldn't numb myself, but I didn't feel alive, so I resorted to cutting.
In seventh grade, my English teacher saw a few scars of mine while I was taking a test. I never did get to eat lunch that day. Instead, I spent the next three hours in the guidance counselor's office, talking about suicide and such. I hated it. They kept calling me down to her office at least three times a week. But that was soon over.
In January, I changed school districts and made friends quickly. Scene and techno was highly liked. Even though I had died my hair red because of Kurt Cobain, I had adopted scene friends. My self-harm journeys continued and I fell into Satanism and Paganism. That made me forget about the pain for a while. I went into the 2010 summer vacation smoothly, scars healed over and shining in the back of my mind.
Skip to eighth grade. I was piecing together my sexual identity. At first, I had thought I was bisexual because I had always thought of some girls in a romantic way. I had started dating a girl as well. We were a good couple until her best friend decided that she didn't like me and told my girlfriend that I was cheating on her with one of my newest friends. So after a fifteen hour panic attack and a constant refusal to the hospital, she was apologizing a lot. She had pissed me off. It ruined the whole relationship. When I broke up with her, she had threatened to kill herself. So we were back together within a week of not dating. What separated us this time was when she started to text me at the end of the year at a graduation party, telling me how drunk she was. So I broke up with her, over the phone. That was the day before the last day of school. I never saw her again. I am thankful for it.
That summer was my most stressful summer. I had never had friends that wanted me to hang out with them outside of school and it was completely new to me when I stayed over at my friend's house at least every week. She and her boyfriend had a rocky relationship. When they separated, I was there to comfort her. Now, whenever I see her crying or pissed off, it really pisses me off; I don't think she has ever realized how good she has it. She never had to take care of three children (some older than her). She never had to cook and clean and get the best grades because she would be yelled at if she didn't. She never lived in a small apartment with seven people or had not had food for three weeks straight because she was too poor to buy food. I don't care for a broken heart as an excuse anymore.
Do you remember how I told you I was struggling with my sexual identity? Well, I'm still working on it all... Anyway, midsummer, I started to pick at my skin a lot more than usual (I have always picked at any imperfection in my skin, but it was getting out of hand now). Turned out that I had a picking disorder. Whenever I cut myself deep enough, I would pull off the scabs until I was smart enough to bandage over it so I wouldn't see it, just so I wouldn't pick at it.
Then I went to a concert that changed my life a bit.
I didn't know I was going to the concert either. I had scars on my arms when I was inside the venue.
I saw Patrick Stump and met him. That show changed my life. I cried through half of his set, not because I have always wanted to see him, but because he did this really slow song on piano and it was just sad. Directly after that piano song, he went into 'Love Selfish Love' which upset me even worse. Either way, it was amazing.
I felt so bad about crying through most of it that I wrote him a letter, still unsent, apologizing.
Even though I still harm and pick, I am getting better at spacing them out, hopefully eliminating them from my mind in the near future.
But music does change a person. I'll always count on alternative punk to be there, but I'll still spike my yellow hair and rebel against the system.
September 22nd, 2011 Add comment
Benni, you're incredible. Whenever I feel like the world's dropped on my shoulders (which, recently, has been unfortunately very frequently), I watch the music video and remember that I'm strong and that I will get through this. I was diagnosed with depression and anxiety a while back and it didn't surprise me, but it still hurts to try and live each day with a smile on my face. My parents recently got divorced, I moved out of my childhood home, and the guy I am in love with broke my heart. I finally started to get help about a month ago, and things are slowly starting to turn around. I'm really glad I saw your video on SixBillionSecrets, because it's gotten me through a lot lately. I guess I just wanted to say, thank you, and keep doing what you're doing - you inspire me. :)
What I Wish I Could Say..
September 21st, 2011 2 comments
well, where to start? i am 15 years old. on the outside, im happy. i have a big family, im a good dancer/writer/singer& actress. i have a lot of friends, and get good grades. the most important: i have a gorgeous boyfriend & we are in love. but on the inside... i have battled bulimia & currently battling anorexia. i am suicidal and i cut myself. my parents got divorced & moved to omaha. my dad rarely speaks to me, even though i live with him. im invisible, and far from happy. i have faith in myself, though. i WILL recover from my eating disorder. i WILL be married to the man i love with beautiful children and NEVER think about suicide or cutting again. with the help of my boyfriend, i WILL be okay again. my dream is to write a book about my struggles to show support for all the men & women out there who have struggled with the same things. there is always someone there & you are loved.
You’re amazing!
September 20th, 2011 Add comment
Your song is just so inspirational, Benni. I've recently been having some pretty scary feelings, but you're song showed me that I'm never alone. Thank you so much for being such an amazing person. Keep shining!
my so called “bestfriend”
September 20th, 2011 Add comment
it started two years ago i trusted u with my life i trusted u with EVERYTHING i told u that i was raped i told u that i cut i told u about the anorexia and now what?? u told ur family! well i got into a huge fight with my family and my dad hit me because of YOU but i didnt and will NEVER tell them any of ur secrets whats killing me is that I still love you i still wanna make sure that ur okay i wanna make sure that ur happy well i guess ur happy cuz am gone now

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