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i need to save me

hi there... im 13 in the eighth grade. i have many reasons for what i do..and im not proud of it. i cut. i started cutting in the summer that i was 11. i cut because of parents and friends. it sounds rather weird since parents are supposed to be supportive and friends are supposed to be promising. but one of my best friends is ... simple minded. she feels that if something goes on with me she has to feel responcible and give me the "silent" treatment. she constantly whines and complains about me cutting. she starts arguements that i never win that just tear me apart... she thinx she understands why i cut..but she doesnt. shes not me and she is in a way.. spoiled. she also picks on me frequently about being emo... in public. she does it to a point were some of the people who attend my school with me think i hate life. sometimes i do. i consider suicide.. but luckily i would never have the guts to commit it. and then there is the other main reason why i cut. my parents. they were supposed to be divorced before i was even an idea in there minds. they fight too much to a point where one will leave for hours or even a few days. they didnt get a divorce because they didnt want to hurt my eldest brother, who was 7, who knew what was going on. since then, they have gotten worse...they fighgt over the stupidest reasons possible and im always the one to stop the fights. ill describe one of the fights so you will get the jist of things a little more. It was during dinner one night. everyone was calm, happy. then my little brother started acting up (he has ADHD...) and my dad got so annoyed that he totaly exploded on my lil brother. and , of course, since he's my mom's favorite, she yelled at my dad...im not gonna go into details with that bcuz it was all really upsetting but i will tell u this... i, like every single time, had to stop the fight from getting worse because my dad threw a fork at my mom that just nearly missed her throat/face area. instead it hit the wall and was stuck there. im ending it there. now about me, i really dont want to cut, but its addicting, like an alcoholic is addicted to beer and liquor. its terrible... i do it to relieve stress when i am really angry or sad or confused. there are scars and cuts all over my left arm. all really deep. i hate, hate, HATE how i cut... i just want to be saved by me..or someone who loves me...i honestly dont know wnat to do anymore. i realize that by cutting, i am really only hurting my friends and even myself. it doesn't help when you cut even though you think it does. in some way..it just takes your mind of the problem. all i want in life right now.... is to be saved.
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  1. Elizabeth
    October 6th, 2011 at 21:27 | #1

    Hey girl, you know what.. I’m in the same exact situation, except I have an eight year old sister.. & I’m adopted.. but my adoptive parents fight all the time, I used to cut so so much . I’m 13 & in eighth grade also, my cousin who’s like my brother does drugs, & my ex boyfriend broke my heart. My home life is not the best at all, my parents always are fighting, & have abused my sister & I. I have drug & alcohol problems in my family also. These are all reasons I used to cut. My arms were covered in cuts, but listen.. I know it seems like it helps, but after I started popping pills & almost died.. I realized something needs to change, I looked my self in the mirror, & stopped & though , “Is this the girl I really want to be?” Things might be hard, but if you have someone to talk to , they can become so much better. I’m clean now, & every once in a while I feel like cutting, but I don’t because I know I don’t want to die with out ever experiencing love, having a child, marriage, adult hood… everything. I set goals for my self, & focused on them. My home life hasn’t changed, but I’ve found music helps me through it, & talking to friends I can trust.. make a change.. even though it seems impossible.. life goes on, & you’ll get better, trust me. ♥

  2. October 8th, 2011 at 01:09 | #2

    I am so sorry. But i just need you to know that i know exactly how you feel. i am dealing with the same thing right now.im 14 and my dad abuses me and my mom isn’t there for me to lean on so i turned to cutting. i only eat a meal a day and i don’t have any friends to lean on either. You just got to be strong a little longer and get some help. Someone cares. i promise you. you just need to bring it to their attention. Find something, if not someone, to keep you strong and alive. One day you will have an inspiring story to tell. I already admire you. :) keep going girl. everything will be okay in the end.

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